i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
