out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
