your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I could make wine with my vomit
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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