Where is the hickey?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
