and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
