I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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