there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
