You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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