hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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