This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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