Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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