It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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