Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
