this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
