there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
