Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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