I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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