It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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