Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
