Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
