Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
