More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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