Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
