Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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