Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
