i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
