Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
