if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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