I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
