i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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