I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
