Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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