Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
