9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
