Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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