I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
MIDGETS
????
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
