I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
