I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
