ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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