did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
