She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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