8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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