Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
