why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
