She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
too bad you live with your parents still
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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