I looked at my own cervix.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We left an ass print on the piano.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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