the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
