Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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