RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
