Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
