That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
