We're facebook friends in real life
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
