I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
