Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
