i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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